Winter Storm

The wind is howling, and I can barely see the graveyard out my window through all the snow.  It’s safe and warm in my room, but the draft in my window, and the the wail of the wind against it keeps me awake, and thinking of you.  Hoping you’re safe, inside your own room, away from this winter storm.

Insomnia

Thunder makes the house shake

and I lie awake in my bed

wishing sleep were an option

but something intangible keeps me awake

anxious over nothing and everything

all at once…

 

Perhaps the rain that accompanies this storm

will be kinder

a softer lullaby to soothe my nerves

pattering on the roof

making the sky’s tears replace my own.

Grey Eyes

It’s strange to think
about how you’ll
never truly
see your own eyes
only ever
reflections and pictures.
You’ll never see how
truly beautiful they are
how they light up
when you’re excited
how soft they seem
when you’re sleepy and content.

I never knew I could
fall so deeply
in love with
a color
much less grey
until I
saw your eyes.
Grey is not just stone
but storm clouds and rainclouds
It’s the waves of the ocean
when the sun has just set
It’s dove feathers and
mountain peaks
and it’s the color of
the most beautiful
eyes I’ve ever seen
The eyes of the boy I
fell in love with.

The Color Red

Red is
blood and heartbreak
it’s eyes that have cried
too long and hard
and it’s old bricks
worn to rubble.

But red is also
summer roses
it’s sunsets over the lake
and it’s my mother’s
favorite color.

Red is
angry and brash
comfortable and warm
and it’s the difference between
I love you and
I miss you.

I’m not sure
how I feel about
the color red.
Maybe because it’s already
halfway to pink
or because roses are
my favorite flower
but I find the red ones
too cliche.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve
seen the anger
in someone’s eyes
felt the difference between
I love you and
I miss you
and cried too long
too hard.

Rebroken Heart

Let me kiss the
tears from your cheeks
wash away the
salty tracks they’ve left
smooth a little of the
exhaustion from your face.

That is what I wish you’d
say to me
but you don’t say anything at all.

Your heart was broken beyond repair
I thought I could fix it
glue the shattered pieces back together.

You didn’t mean to hurt me.
Of all people
you were the one who
understood what it was to have
someone walk out of your life
without a word.

But the pieces wouldn’t
fit quite right
and when you lost someone else
even more important to you
I felt the shrapnel
from your rebroken heart
pierce mine and
tear it to pieces.

I can’t love someone
who’s no longer there.
I can’t wait forever
for someone who may never come back.
I can’t protect myself
from being forgotten
unless I let you go.

I wish you’d come back to me
if only to say goodbye
instead of leaving me in silence.
Your silence says everything
but you don’t say anything at all.

Amicable Divorce

Having your roommate
the one you’ve had since
day one of college
move out
the second week of
what would have been your
fourth semester living together
feels a bit like what I imagine
getting a divorce
would be like
an amicable one
where neither party
hates the other
and perhaps you are
still good friends
but it is
painful nonetheless
as you sort through the room
this is yours
this is mine
until the room is left
half full
but feels
half empty.
It’s so much easier to say
things happen
people change
when the evidence of its truth
isn’t staring you in the face.

Lost

I found myself lost
adrift at sea
you were nowhere to be found
among the stars at night
that helped to
guide me home.

I found myself lost
wandering in the woods
the mocking birds used your voice
to call my name
lead me deeper into the trees
until I caught a glimpse of
the path that
led me home.

I found myself lost
under a desert sun
my tears dried up long ago
the mirages sought to
keep me there
but by now I knew their tricks
and I let the desert winds
blow me home.

I found myself lost
in thoughts of you
and how you used to rescue me
when I wandered out too far
so I let you go
burned the bridge
and found my own way home.

Something Somewhere

I knew you’d be my
first something.
I never thought that
something would be
heartbreak.
I never thought my last
memory of us
would be watching you
walk away
your fingers still
hooked around my heartstrings
pulling them with you
until they snapped.

You never even
said goodbye
just turned away
and left your silence
ringing in my ears
until I could hear
nothing else.

Now I’m left wandering
trying to find
something
somewhere
that makes me feel okay.

So this is what it’s like to be lost.

It Can’t If It’s Still In Love With You

I used to
tell you everything
now you’re gone
I still do
I tell the ghost of you
who wanders through my memories

You speak so
softly in my ear
I cannot hear the
words you say
though I wish your voice would cease to stay
your whispers echo through my head

It’s lonely
here inside my mind
with none but us
this ghost of you and I
I think I’ll try
to say one last goodbye to you

Go now please
it’s time you left
I ask that you would
let me go
because my heart needs to grow
and it can’t if it’s still in love with you