Better Poetry

It’s drizzling and cool outside
as I sit on my bed
with the windows wide open
water trailing down the panes

The air smells clean
drifting into my room
the chill giving me goosebumps
under my sweater

There are times I
prefer the sunshine
but this is
not one of them

Because rain makes for
better poetry

Makeshift Sky

Moth holes in the fabric
were stars
in the blanket fort
above our heads
we made in your living room
one sunny Sunday afternoon.

We named new constellations
until the
sunlight faded
and our makeshift sky
went dark.

As we lay there
staring up at where our
stars used to be
you took my hand
and fell asleep
but not before you’d
kissed me in the dark
to tell me that
you loved me.

We’re older now
more grown up
or so we think
with bills to pay
and jobs to keep.

Let’s go back
to that living room fort
to kissing under
moth-hole stars
and to the way you
said you loved me
if only for just tonight.

Soft Light

Your manners are
soft as the
brown of your eyes
and from the
moment you
said hello
I knew you’d
keep me safe.

You often reach to
hug me
your arms are
gentle and warm
your father taught you
not to fight
instead he taught you
how to love.

You smile more than most
open and kind
like sunlight
filling the room
the opposite of
the boy I
used to love
who had a darkness in him
I found beautiful
but it was a
painful sort of beauty.

The night he left
wasn’t the night he
broke my heart
that happened
all the nights after
when he
didn’t come back.

But then you
walked into my life
with your
soft light
and easy nature
and for the first time
in a long time
probably since
before he left
I finally
feel alive.

Things I Realized After Turning 21

It’s okay to feel
lonely sometimes
but don’t wallow in it.
You have people who
care about you
and will
gladly spend
time with you.

You’re allowed
pick the celery
out of things.
If you
don’t like it you
don’t have to
eat it.

Getting your heart broken
twice in
just over two years
will not kill you.
It will make you feel
weak and afraid
for a while
but you will
live.

A boyfriend is not
the only way to
quell the loneliness.
Your parents and brother
love you and
so do your friends.
Take advantage of that.

Spend time with your dad
when you’re having a
bad day.
He is a rock
and always knows how to
make you smile again.
Call him
if you’re not at home.
You will always be his
little girl.

Spend time with
your mom too.
She worries as
much as you
and she worries
about you.
Even if you’re
not okay
she’ll remind you that
eventually
you will be.

You’re going to make things
hard for yourself sometimes
and you’re going to
hate yourself for it.
Just keep moving forward
as best you can.
You cannot
change the past
as much as you may
want to.

Keep dancing.
It grounds you
and even if you don’t
do it for your own sake
do it for hers.
You never got to
say goodbye
and it’s part of what
makes you broken.
Dancing is your way of
almost talking to her again.

You weren’t really
ready to move to
Cape Town for him.
It would have
broken your mother’s heart and
as much as you
don’t want to admit it
broken your own.

You are young
and still naive
despite the
pain you’ve endured.
You feel too much
too often
and while it
sometimes hurts
it’s also what
drives you forward.
Remember to
forgive yourself
and have faith that
one day
you’ll be okay.

“Love is being stupid together.”

Based on the quote by Paul Valery.

Love is staying up
’til three in the morning
because you asked me
to come work on our
math homework
but we ended up just
talking for hours instead.

Love is driving home drunk
on exhaustion and
the sound of your voice
the feel of your arms around me
and the warm, sweet smell
where my head was nestled
where your shoulder
meets your neck.

Love is talking too much
the next day
hung over from
staying up so
late the night before
hoping the cause
might also be the cure.

Love is doing it again
a week later
but actually
finishing our homework this time
and not staying up
quite so late
still sitting
just the two of us
and talking far longer
than most people would.

Love is being stupid together
and of all the stupid
things I’ve done
the best ones
have been
with you.